Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
