its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
