I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
