Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
