My sheets look like a crime scene.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
