Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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