wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
