just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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