i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Randomize
