How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
