Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
