when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
