im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
