My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
