We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
