She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
