I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
