I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
