I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
