I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
