last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
