Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
