even my farts smell like vagina
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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