Will you blow on my dice?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
