Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
