Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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