i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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