I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She tied me up with her honor cords...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
