your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
