Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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