I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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