Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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