Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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