you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
