In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
