We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Randomize
