Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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