What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
