I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
