Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
