Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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