whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
