he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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