if i can run in heels then i can drive
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
