Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
