We named our party play list daddy issues
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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