Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
