Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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