Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
