why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
