I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
