I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
