How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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